oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
