Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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