Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
