the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
