Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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