How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
