I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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