He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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