i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We are two peas in an std pod
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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