i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize