thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
