Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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