Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
