He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
