I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
