she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
