Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
