i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
