Apparently you make a good broom.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
