We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
