she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish life had little blips of pornography
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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