walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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