There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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