did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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