Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
