Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
