Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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