hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
