Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
