i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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