would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
