my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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