Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
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