I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize