Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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