...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
