She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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