1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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