tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
why is half of my head shaved?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
