no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
