i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
