She went from zero to smokin in five shots
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
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I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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