jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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