dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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