Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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