he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
