The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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