Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
