he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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