Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Fuck appropriateness.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
