I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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