You smell like stripper and shame
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
