just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
