somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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