i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't deserve a penis
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize