When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
