gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
