I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
