That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just tell him i said nine months
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
